I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
