I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
