"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
