holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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