By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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