i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
