For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
