i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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