so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
