Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
