Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
