He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
