The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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