TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
