No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
