He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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