My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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