That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
