how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
