Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
