Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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