I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
