we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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