Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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