you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm at about main and main street
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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