The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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