we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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