you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
