Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
