Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
