I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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