If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
