thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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