Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
