My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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