my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
