My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
