Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
