best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
