A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
