70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
