your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
