clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
