A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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