I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
