you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
