Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
