God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
