I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
