How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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