I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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